Crackers!!!
what the heck?!
who makes macaroni and cheese crackers!!!
why would you ruin a good thing like that????
GAH!!!!
stupid commercialism!!!
you'd think that the kraft people have enough money
but no!!
they gotta turn mac n' cheese into a freaking cracker!!!
GAH!!!
we already have cheese its and cheese nips!
no mac n' cheese crackers!!NO!!!
take them back!!!
...thats all :)
xoxo
Pale Angel
Friday, September 19, 2008
Thursday, September 18, 2008
And Big Girls Don't Cry
While I have never known this statement to be true, it seems that it is a good theory to live by.
It has come to my attention that by keeping certain things in my life to myself it has cause more problems than been good.
And that someone has taken my blog post No Air to be about them, when it is not. While something that I have in fact forgiven them for was mentioned in passing...the blog itself was not about them.
I guess I should probably explain to them and to you my readers why my blog and me myself have been in a weird sort of funk lately. and yes i did just say funk.
there are a number of things going on in my life right now so lets just start at the beginning shall we.
1. About a year and a half ago I was told that my grandfather has Alzheimers. At the beginning of this year he was placed in a home and we were told that by the end of the summer he would no longer be with us. Well it is now September and he has surpassed the timeline they gave him. And while they say he is doing better they aren't really giving him much longer. My grandfather was and is and always shall be a big part of my life. Whenever something went wrong he would be the one who helped me or calmed my parents down. And now he can't...now he can't even remember who i am or how i'm related to him. I'm terrified of losing him which I know I will in the very near future.
2. My great-grandmother, whom I mentioned in a previous post, is also dying and will probably be gone with in the next month or two. My great-grandmother is a very infulential person for me and I am not ready to see her go yet. But since my great-grandfather died she has pretty much given up her will to live, and it is apparently amazing that she has survived this long.
3. A person who is very close to me has recently been through a very traumatizing event and is now in a situation that could take them away from me sooner that I would like. This has caused me great distress and made me very cranky and while i would like to spend more time with them, I am so busy that I don't have the time to.
4. I am pretty much failing school I think. It is only the first few weeks of school but physics has me confused and i am just not doing well...that i do believe needs no further explanation...
5. lastly..the thing i have been most hesitant to talk about...and will not mention it here...because well...i am still not fully ready to talk about it...sorry...
so you see...life has been pretty hard...or maybe it's not hard and i've just been putting all of this at a much higher level than it should be...but no matter it has turned me into a depressed person.
so if you hate me after this whatever that's your choice...
but i just thought that you all deserved an explanation...
that #5 thing...will probably be brought up at a later date...just so you know...
until then...
xoxo
Pale Angel
It has come to my attention that by keeping certain things in my life to myself it has cause more problems than been good.
And that someone has taken my blog post No Air to be about them, when it is not. While something that I have in fact forgiven them for was mentioned in passing...the blog itself was not about them.
I guess I should probably explain to them and to you my readers why my blog and me myself have been in a weird sort of funk lately. and yes i did just say funk.
there are a number of things going on in my life right now so lets just start at the beginning shall we.
1. About a year and a half ago I was told that my grandfather has Alzheimers. At the beginning of this year he was placed in a home and we were told that by the end of the summer he would no longer be with us. Well it is now September and he has surpassed the timeline they gave him. And while they say he is doing better they aren't really giving him much longer. My grandfather was and is and always shall be a big part of my life. Whenever something went wrong he would be the one who helped me or calmed my parents down. And now he can't...now he can't even remember who i am or how i'm related to him. I'm terrified of losing him which I know I will in the very near future.
2. My great-grandmother, whom I mentioned in a previous post, is also dying and will probably be gone with in the next month or two. My great-grandmother is a very infulential person for me and I am not ready to see her go yet. But since my great-grandfather died she has pretty much given up her will to live, and it is apparently amazing that she has survived this long.
3. A person who is very close to me has recently been through a very traumatizing event and is now in a situation that could take them away from me sooner that I would like. This has caused me great distress and made me very cranky and while i would like to spend more time with them, I am so busy that I don't have the time to.
4. I am pretty much failing school I think. It is only the first few weeks of school but physics has me confused and i am just not doing well...that i do believe needs no further explanation...
5. lastly..the thing i have been most hesitant to talk about...and will not mention it here...because well...i am still not fully ready to talk about it...sorry...
so you see...life has been pretty hard...or maybe it's not hard and i've just been putting all of this at a much higher level than it should be...but no matter it has turned me into a depressed person.
so if you hate me after this whatever that's your choice...
but i just thought that you all deserved an explanation...
that #5 thing...will probably be brought up at a later date...just so you know...
until then...
xoxo
Pale Angel
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
You'll Be the Prince and I'll Be the Princess
Ok so maybe I'm not a princess...but isn't that almost every little girls dream? to be a princess
it was mine for sure haha
to suddenly find out that I was the princess of a small unknown country (just like in princess diaries)
or to marry into it like Grace Kelly...how cool would that be?!
princess' lives seem to be so fabulous
they get to go to balls and dance with the prince and live in beautiful castles
yup yup seems like the perfect life to me
i've decided that that will be my new profession, no longer being an actress...i'm gonna be a princess :) haha
ok so maybe not...but it sounds like a good idea anyways
so this looney theatre major has been pretty busy lately what with auditions and school work.
being in college is hard...they don't write that in the brochures but it is pretty rough!
but anyways...
i wonder how one gets into the business of princessing...like i am very attracted to this idea...i think it's a genius solution... :)
anyways sorry this update is short but i thought i would just share with you all that i had an epiphany on my life's direction!
until next time
xoxo
Pale Angel
it was mine for sure haha
to suddenly find out that I was the princess of a small unknown country (just like in princess diaries)
or to marry into it like Grace Kelly...how cool would that be?!
princess' lives seem to be so fabulous
they get to go to balls and dance with the prince and live in beautiful castles
yup yup seems like the perfect life to me
i've decided that that will be my new profession, no longer being an actress...i'm gonna be a princess :) haha
ok so maybe not...but it sounds like a good idea anyways
so this looney theatre major has been pretty busy lately what with auditions and school work.
being in college is hard...they don't write that in the brochures but it is pretty rough!
but anyways...
i wonder how one gets into the business of princessing...like i am very attracted to this idea...i think it's a genius solution... :)
anyways sorry this update is short but i thought i would just share with you all that i had an epiphany on my life's direction!
until next time
xoxo
Pale Angel
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
No Air
If you have ever wondered what it's like to feel alone in the world. I could probably tell you, it's only monday and already i'm not having a great week.
In the past few weeks i have been blog bitched twice, yelled at numerous times, been called a whore 3 times, and have felt bad about all of it constantly.
i messed up an audition for a part that i wanted more than anything today.
i don't know how to be me anymore
mostly because i don't know who me is anymore
people have picked away at who i thought i was and now i'm just a shell
if you had asked me who i was even a month ago i would have been able to tell you with stregth and certainty
but now i can't even begin to think of who i am, because it is not the same person at all
i don't know who i am because so many people have challenged it and made me feel bad about it
things that i thought were helpful were just a burden on others and apparently made them feel worse
i don't know anymore
i have spent so much time crying lately that it is absolutely ridiculous
sorry that it was so depressing today...but it's all i have left in me
xoxo
Pale Angel
In the past few weeks i have been blog bitched twice, yelled at numerous times, been called a whore 3 times, and have felt bad about all of it constantly.
i messed up an audition for a part that i wanted more than anything today.
i don't know how to be me anymore
mostly because i don't know who me is anymore
people have picked away at who i thought i was and now i'm just a shell
if you had asked me who i was even a month ago i would have been able to tell you with stregth and certainty
but now i can't even begin to think of who i am, because it is not the same person at all
i don't know who i am because so many people have challenged it and made me feel bad about it
things that i thought were helpful were just a burden on others and apparently made them feel worse
i don't know anymore
i have spent so much time crying lately that it is absolutely ridiculous
sorry that it was so depressing today...but it's all i have left in me
xoxo
Pale Angel
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
The 7 Things...
The 7 things I hate about me
this post is so that you, my readers (if i do infact have any) can get a glimpse into my brain.
I was thinking about it the other day and there are several qualities about myself that i really truly hate. and i figured i would share them with you all.
no this is not a post about me whining and bitching, it is a self reflection post.
The first thing that i hate is that I am soo shy. Like ridiculously shy, it takes me a while to break out of said shy shell. And there are so many consequences that go along with that. I feel like maybe if i weren't so shy that i wouldn't have gotten picked on so much in middle school because I would have had the back bone to stand up for myself and maybe by now I would have had a boyfriend because I would have had the courage(after being brutally shot down the first time i did such) to ask guys that I liked out or even just talk to them.
The second thing that I hate is that i am waaay to understanding. I give so many people that have hurt me and have treated me badly second chances and it usually ends up with them treating me like crap again. not cool right? but i let them because i don't know how to be mad at people or to let my feelings show (but that is for another time). I have so many friends who aren't really my friends, they're just using me because I let them. Its not a good situation.
The third thing is that i never get mad, not matter how hard i try. I just can't get mad at people. It kills me to get mad at people and then i end up apologizing even though i myself haven't done anything wrong. i hate when there is a conflict between one of my friends and i and so i always try to fix it no matter the cost. so that i usually end up giving up on my point of view just so that the fighting will stop.
The fourth thing is that I don't know how to tell people what I really truly think. mostly because I am very very scared about their reaction to it. If I said half of the things that I really thought...I probably would have at least half of my friends mad at me. I mean there are some friends that I tell straight out what I think because I know they won't judge it and just take it as another suggestion. but there are some who it terrifes me to say what i think so i just don't.
The fifth thing is that I'm scared. Of everything. You name it I'm probably worrying about it. And lemme tell you, it is a lifestyle cramper. To be always afraid and never knowing how to calm yourself down. It sucks, majorly. It has led me into some of the worst times of my life. Now this particular one I am somewhat getting better at and I'm learning how to stay calm and to not worry as much. But it is still pretty suckish to worry about everything.
The sixth thing is that I have no self-esteem what so ever. Now I am that way for a number of reasons, trust me I wasn't always this way. I used to be one of the most bubbly in your face self confident people you have ever met. But after years of being broken down and being told that i'm ugly and that i will never amount to anything. I have become combataive when people give me compliments like telling me I'm pretty because I have been told for so long that i'm not that i have come to believe it's true. People tell me that I'm being stupid and that I should just get over it, but I don't know how to. I honestly don't and I hate it and I want to have that confidence but I don't know how to.
The seventh thing that I hate is that I just used up your time whining about something that you could probably care less about. But I felt that I needed to get this off my chest. You see alot of stuff has been happening to me over the past few weeks, things that I haven't really told anyone about but those directly involved. and they have made me really think about myself and where i'm going. and as i thought i came up with that list. there are so many more things that i could add to it, but those are the major things in my life.
Please believe that i am a happy person and that I do love my life and everyone it, just sometimes it's hard to get by without whining a little bit. alrighty that's all :)
till next time
xoxo
Pale Angel
this post is so that you, my readers (if i do infact have any) can get a glimpse into my brain.
I was thinking about it the other day and there are several qualities about myself that i really truly hate. and i figured i would share them with you all.
no this is not a post about me whining and bitching, it is a self reflection post.
The first thing that i hate is that I am soo shy. Like ridiculously shy, it takes me a while to break out of said shy shell. And there are so many consequences that go along with that. I feel like maybe if i weren't so shy that i wouldn't have gotten picked on so much in middle school because I would have had the back bone to stand up for myself and maybe by now I would have had a boyfriend because I would have had the courage(after being brutally shot down the first time i did such) to ask guys that I liked out or even just talk to them.
The second thing that I hate is that i am waaay to understanding. I give so many people that have hurt me and have treated me badly second chances and it usually ends up with them treating me like crap again. not cool right? but i let them because i don't know how to be mad at people or to let my feelings show (but that is for another time). I have so many friends who aren't really my friends, they're just using me because I let them. Its not a good situation.
The third thing is that i never get mad, not matter how hard i try. I just can't get mad at people. It kills me to get mad at people and then i end up apologizing even though i myself haven't done anything wrong. i hate when there is a conflict between one of my friends and i and so i always try to fix it no matter the cost. so that i usually end up giving up on my point of view just so that the fighting will stop.
The fourth thing is that I don't know how to tell people what I really truly think. mostly because I am very very scared about their reaction to it. If I said half of the things that I really thought...I probably would have at least half of my friends mad at me. I mean there are some friends that I tell straight out what I think because I know they won't judge it and just take it as another suggestion. but there are some who it terrifes me to say what i think so i just don't.
The fifth thing is that I'm scared. Of everything. You name it I'm probably worrying about it. And lemme tell you, it is a lifestyle cramper. To be always afraid and never knowing how to calm yourself down. It sucks, majorly. It has led me into some of the worst times of my life. Now this particular one I am somewhat getting better at and I'm learning how to stay calm and to not worry as much. But it is still pretty suckish to worry about everything.
The sixth thing is that I have no self-esteem what so ever. Now I am that way for a number of reasons, trust me I wasn't always this way. I used to be one of the most bubbly in your face self confident people you have ever met. But after years of being broken down and being told that i'm ugly and that i will never amount to anything. I have become combataive when people give me compliments like telling me I'm pretty because I have been told for so long that i'm not that i have come to believe it's true. People tell me that I'm being stupid and that I should just get over it, but I don't know how to. I honestly don't and I hate it and I want to have that confidence but I don't know how to.
The seventh thing that I hate is that I just used up your time whining about something that you could probably care less about. But I felt that I needed to get this off my chest. You see alot of stuff has been happening to me over the past few weeks, things that I haven't really told anyone about but those directly involved. and they have made me really think about myself and where i'm going. and as i thought i came up with that list. there are so many more things that i could add to it, but those are the major things in my life.
Please believe that i am a happy person and that I do love my life and everyone it, just sometimes it's hard to get by without whining a little bit. alrighty that's all :)
till next time
xoxo
Pale Angel
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Our Time Now
As tends to happen in the fall school begins again. Classes start and homework is handed out. and us college students return to our dorms for another year of learning and new experiences. and i am no different.
I moved in to my dorm 3 days ago and still have no roommate so my room is quite quiet (side note i just realized those two words are made up of the exact same letters...yes i'm smart i know (: )
My classes are fun so far...i spent three hours in a physics lab/lecture today explaining to my lab partner that centimeters and meters are not the same thing! but i don't think she got it...
theatre seems like it is going to be fun. lots of auditions coming up and you know this looney theatre major will of course be there!
and then there is english...any class where the teacher drops the f bomb every 2 seconds and makes two references to pornography in a minute has to be good!
so over all...this should be a pretty good semester!
i have friends this semester which makes this whole college thing so much easier! last year i barely had any so i never left my room besides going to class and going to eat...
but this year i am all set :)
with it being fall my favorite job has begun!
being a bubble fairy for the local renaissance festival!
it has been so much fun so far! i got to meet the court on my birthday! sooo exciting!
a few stupid people but so far...everything is going pretty great!
yup for once things are going pretty well for this looney theatre major
now i have written this update to the promise of one particular person promising me that he will give me a cookie and is going to take me out for sushi still (as i have never actually had it)
so now i am awaiting my cookie! it had better be a good one too!
haha well i think that is all for this minute
but as college is a very exciting place to be i'm sure there will be many more posts awaiting you soon readers (if i have any at all which i'm not sure that i do but oh well)
xoxo
Pale Angel
I moved in to my dorm 3 days ago and still have no roommate so my room is quite quiet (side note i just realized those two words are made up of the exact same letters...yes i'm smart i know (: )
My classes are fun so far...i spent three hours in a physics lab/lecture today explaining to my lab partner that centimeters and meters are not the same thing! but i don't think she got it...
theatre seems like it is going to be fun. lots of auditions coming up and you know this looney theatre major will of course be there!
and then there is english...any class where the teacher drops the f bomb every 2 seconds and makes two references to pornography in a minute has to be good!
so over all...this should be a pretty good semester!
i have friends this semester which makes this whole college thing so much easier! last year i barely had any so i never left my room besides going to class and going to eat...
but this year i am all set :)
with it being fall my favorite job has begun!
being a bubble fairy for the local renaissance festival!
it has been so much fun so far! i got to meet the court on my birthday! sooo exciting!
a few stupid people but so far...everything is going pretty great!
yup for once things are going pretty well for this looney theatre major
now i have written this update to the promise of one particular person promising me that he will give me a cookie and is going to take me out for sushi still (as i have never actually had it)
so now i am awaiting my cookie! it had better be a good one too!
haha well i think that is all for this minute
but as college is a very exciting place to be i'm sure there will be many more posts awaiting you soon readers (if i have any at all which i'm not sure that i do but oh well)
xoxo
Pale Angel
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